I have a dark cloud that has taken up residence over my house the last 6 days.
Bad Situation #1
You see it all started on Monday when we woke up to no water. We threw the electric heater under the and thawed out the frozen line only to find that it was leaking so we had to turn the water off to be fixed. Tuesday the water froze up at the meter so we couldn't do anything till the water company came to thaw it out....still no water tho. We didn't want to fix the pipe at this point till we had water to check it. So Wednesday came the landlord dropped the heater off to thaw the pipes because we assumed that it was frozen somewhere under the house since the water company had already thawed the meter. WRONG. Then today we got the water company to unthaw the meter for the second time...got water flowing back to the house....go the one leak fixed.....only to find out that we got one if not two more potentially busted pipes on under the house. At this point we call the landlord like look we can't fix that. He told us he couldn't come till tomorrow around noon. Which puts us at 5 days and counting.
Bad Situation #2
Tuesday Javo and I was going to pick up his check when we smelled the car starting to overheat and it started smoking we made it to his work only to find it needed anti-freeze. Cool I call mom and she runs us down to Wal-Mart I get some anti-freeze and stop leak and think cool we are good to go. WRONG we get down to the gas station and notice its making this weird noise which is the product of the radiator fan being locked up. Managed to get it home and now I gotta pay $60 for the fan IF it's just the fan and then labor.
Bad Situation #3
I do not make a lot of money folks. As a matter of fact I am consider in the poverty range as are a good part of Americans. I work. I pay taxes. I also get HUD housing. I am not ashamed....whatever keeps a roof over my kids heads and keeps them fed. If I didn't have the housing and food stamps I would not be able to support my family. Sorry for you haters. Like I said it's not like I'm not trying. But I pay $85 rent for my home...it ain't much....it's quite old, quite cold, and honestly I could do better even with housing IF I wanted to give up our dogs once of which my son has had since he was a year and a half. Yesterday however I recieved a letter stating coming March 1st I would be paying $550 a month rent. WHAT??? My hours just got cut to 20 hours a week which equals out to $600 per month. Javo works for min wage and gets $576 a month. Together that is $1176....now with rent at $550 our bills per month would total $1148. Do the math pre-baby means $28 left per month. That's one box of diapers. Excuse me folks but my heart just fell to the floor and am trying to appeal that decision.
So that's my week I am beyond frustrated and adding the pregnancy and the pain that just never goes away. I'm just not feeling it.
The happy part? Xay comes home telling me every day how much he likes school and how he has friends. It makes me happy to know he is happy and not playing video games even for just a hour a day.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
If I had of known that this pregnancy was going to be so different I might have rethought my excitement over it.
Don't get me wrong I am all excited about the end result but at 6 1/2 months I have had a lot of symptoms that were....not there the first time. Morning sickness, dehydration, colds, nose bleeds, and the newest up is this RUQ (right upper quadrant) pain. Let me be specific it is quite literally at the top of baby bump under my right breast at the bottom of my ribs.
Last week the doctor tested my liver and tomorrow he is sending me to get a RUQ ultrasound to check all the parts that being smashed. Personally the pain feels more like nerve pain to me. A burning stabbing sensation that most of the time hurts at the level of a 7 and then has these random moments of severe pain that rates on the same level of contractions at their worst. And what I got told however? Just deal with it.
Just deal with it? You mean to tell me I have three more months of this pain which will most likely get rough the bigger she gets? I am not a happy mommy.
I can't sleep peacefully and it was something even with the large tummy that I was used to.
So this is me sending out a plea to my daughter....
Please baby girl I know you are just making yourself comfortable but mommy needs a little
break from the pain!
Monday, December 16, 2013
When I was pregnant with my first child I was all about research. I knew why I made the choices like not to vaccinate, to co-sleep, and to pretty much be the best mom I could be. But even thru all the websites I motherhood is painted into this perfect box pregnancy symptoms are generic and most sites never mention what happen to your body AFTER you give birth (it's pretty scary). Or maybe it was because I wasn't looking for that type of information. Car seats, vaccines, development all trumped things like what would be happening to me.
So while I get ready for my second child I get reminded of all those things plus a lot more that I wished people had warned me about.
1. Nose Bleeds and Mini-Migraines are both pregnancy symptoms, along with sore fingers, loss of weight, and dehydration.
2. Any minor sickness you get you have to suffer it out with lots of water to drink.
3. You may not feel joyful and have happy tears when you put the baby on you. Depending on what your choice was you may still be in pain, you may be stitched up by the doctor, or other clinical things that suck. My first thought was "Oh my God, he has a big head!" But that's okay because you can make up for that moment a million times over.
4. Breastfeeding hurts like hell to start out with. The doctor tried to scare me supplement by formula to which I proved him wrong. My breast were still sensitive and they hurt every latch even tho I had the holds right. They bleed, they hurt when I didn't get to feed him in time. But after the first couple a weeks the pain went away and we became a happy pair....especially when a boppy pillow was involved.
5. They make you use the bathroom before you leave the hospital....I had 4 stitches and can remember sitting on the toilet knowing full well it was going to hurt it took me 30 minutes sitting there before I went. Just saying sometimes it is better to take someone with you....for the next few years of your life you are not going to be using the bathroom alone anyways and passing out can happen. Also don't look at them crazy when they give the sits bath thing it feels like heaven!
6. No one warns you that you are going to ooze weird fluids for 2 weeks or more...and after that stops you may very possible get your period.
7. Postpartum depression can happen and you not even know. I didn't cry, I didn't feel alone or anything until my son was 9 months old and the doctor put me on meds that I couldn't breastfeed on. I feel like that is when my hormones all changed. I became depressed and distant from everyone my son included. I finally I admitted that I had a problem and got help but it was a long journey till I was okay and I missed a lot of my sons first that I shouldn't have because I was stuck in a black hole. It's not my fault and if you have this happen it isn't your fault. It's not something you can make stop if your feel distant and find yourself always down don't wait thinking you can fix it. Get help as soon as possible.
8. Take pictures and make sure you are in them. Because those moments pass so quickly that before you know it they are 4 years old and not wanting to take a picture because there is something else more fun that has caught their eye.
9. Don't let anyone tell you how to be a good mom. As long as your kids are fed, clothed, and have a warm place to lay there head down at night you are doing all you can. There is no right way to be a mom only you know what's best for your kids because you are the one there 24/7.
10. You will be peed and pooped on, you will be thrown up on, drooled on, become severely sticky, probably at some point pick your child's nose among other things you never thought you would do for another human being. And you won't complain too much and probably look back and tell the stories that you remember with a smile on your face and a laugh on your voice.
Above all else I wish that people had told me to slow down that this first time being a mom is amazing. You will have bigs up and bigs downs but you will get up because while you might not be able to see it there is light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how many kids you have they will bring out the best and worst in you at times for making you angry to making you cry. Cherish every single second because the cuddly moments only last 6 years. Motherhood is a crazy journey but it is the biggest adventure you will ever begin that has no ending.